Why I left my corporate job to build a spiritual business

Wednesday: It's approaching 10 a.m. and I'm finally eating a big bowl of granola for breakfast. I have been awake since 6 (that's sleeping late for me), and I had coffee, two big glasses of water, showered, dressed, meditated, answered emails, watered my plants, and listened to an hour-long astrology podcast. Today is a laid-back day. I don't have class until 5:30 p.m. and no client appointments. Last Wednesday I taught about four hours of yoga and had two clients. Yesterday I spent about eight hours teaching yoga. This is my job now.

One year ago, a typical Wednesday for me would be dragging myself out of bed at 7, forcing myself on the yoga mat, and then lingering around outside while my husband reminds me that I'm going to be late for work once again. I would arrive to my small office void of natural light, stare at dozens of unread email messages, and find a way to kill time while my brain adjusted. It was an empty feeling. At the same time, every large paycheck I made sitting in front of the computer and pontificating about the health care industry was being diverted to a savings account, preparing me for the ultimate goal: to leave my job. I would change my mind about this dozens of times, but during the holiday season in 2017 after a series of eye-opening and synchronistic events, I made the decision and stuck to it. I told family and close friends, and it was the most empowering feeling to know how many people supported me. I had everything I needed.

When I was in high school and even a fresh college grad, I truly thought I wanted to be an executive someday -- to wear the business suits and high heels, to live in the city, to make tons of money, to travel constantly and meet interesting people. I guess I thought I had something to prove. (But oh yeah, I don't like the city.) Over time, my husband and I moved further away from civilization and eventually bought a house in the remote mountainside town of Sterling. Also during this time, I worked... and worked... and worked... until I ran headfirst into an existential crisis (sometime around my Saturn return in 2012-2013). I disliked my work and wasn't happy. I was tired all the time, way too skinny, and anxiety was taking over my life. I owned about two dozen blazers, but wearing them made me feel like I was suffocating.

The thought of leaving what I worked for didn’t seem like an option, so I found many ways to try and incorporate “fixes” into my life. I rekindled my interest in things that I thought I buried long ago. I spent all of my free time reading astrology. My home and workspace became a haven for crystals, all of which were having a powerful effect on my well-being. I unburied my Tarot decks, and the cards became my best advisors (and still are). I was doing yoga every day at this point and learning to become a teacher. I was also studying the healing arts. All of these things healed and rejuvenated me, and anxiety ceased to be a problem. But these activities were hidden from my public life, and I didn't have many people to talk to. So I joined groups, enrolled in several trainings, met incredible women from around the world with similar interests, and became certified in multiple healing modalities. I was still rocking my corporate job, but the duality of the two lives eventually had to merge together. I didn't want to give one up over the other, so I did both. I worked multiple jobs for about four years.

There are a lot of ways we convince ourselves that it's normal to be unsatisfied. 

"I'm lucky to have what I have."

"I work because I need the money.”

"It's just a job. It's not my life."

"There are no other options for me."

I don't believe life should be this way. Yes, it's just a job, but it's consuming the majority of your life and affecting all of your decisions and activities. Something like this should make you feel not only satisfied, but empowered, excited, and fulfilled. Don't these statements sound better?

"I'm lucky for everything I have."

"I work because I want to."

"My life is enriched by my work."

"I have unlimited options and potential."

Don't get me wrong. I think it's a real drag that we have to make money in order to survive. (Who made those rules and how can we break them?) But I think a paradigm shift begins when we focus our energy and talents to live our potential and serve others as a result. For a long time, I thought I was pretty good at marketing. Intuitive and creative abilities are important skills to have when you're trying to create and sell a product line. But in reality, I don't want to convince people of anything. I want to see them empowered. Anything even remotely misleading will keep me up at night with guilt. And just looking at Twitter makes me want to gouge my eyes out (yet I spent 10 years in that world?). 

I thought leaving the comfortable job behind would create massive upheaval and regret. I didn't want to have to struggle to make ends meet or sacrifice my ability to travel. But in fact, it was the most natural and smooth process. Something funny happens when you move into your purpose. The pieces fall into place as if by magic. Money is an energetic exchange, and when you give energy out to the world, money will find its way to you. I am making much less money than I was before, but my lifestyle is different (and way more aligned). I am also generating more every month and regularly exceeding my income goals. At this rate, I could be doubling my income a year from now. 

Leaving a job isn't an escape from stress. When you're invested in something, there will still be anticipation and anxiety. But it feels different. I may get anxious before big moments, but the rush of joy after a successful class or workshop or training is among the best feelings in the world. 

I used to look at myself in the women's room mirror and see a tired, drained, low energy shell of who I am. I felt smaller than others around me, even with my 5'10" stature. Now I see someone infused with energy and life force. I feel and am empowered. And we all deserve to feel that way. I'm not 100 percent sure that I am exactly where I need to be right now. I'm not even 75 percent sure. Every day has the potential for enormous change. But right now I'm living in this space where I'm allowed to explore and discover what life and work has to offer. And it feels pretty awesome.